Engluese

I'm now in the middle of my second week in Namaacha.

Things are going as well as can be expected. I haven't had to kill my food. I haven't exposed myself to my host family. And, I haven't asked for more balls instead of tomatoes. I even feel confident that I will be speaking Portuguese by the end of my 10 weeks.

Right now it's more of a combination, English+ Portuguese= Engluese. (If you haven't figured that out.) I am very lucky to have a great teacher and to work in a small group. In fact, it's just me and one other person. I think you can guess what level I'm in from that piece of information.

When I'm not in language classes, or sitting through a large PC meetings, I'm hanging out with my host family. My Mae (mom) is a retired teacher. She is very patient with me and really tries to understand my broken Portuguese. I have two older sisters that work outside of the house; L is a teacher and C is a janitor. The two of them occasionally talk to me, but more than once our conversations have ended with "No Entendo" and we both just leave it at that.

There are also 3 younger kids in the house Lay (10), E (8) and D (5). Lay has started to speak with me more, but our conversations usually end with him asking if I have something for him. FIrst it was playing cards, then a laptop (just to see, not to have), and lastly was a soccer ball. I didn't have the last one; we haven't talked lately. I cannot understand a word that D says and whenever I speak he shrieks with laughter.

E didn't not say one word to me for the entire first week. Which of course means I made it my goal to be best friends with her before I leave. She does answer my questions now, and she even came into my room to read a book with me. Progress!!

It's hard to spend much time with my host family though. The Peace Corps schedules so much of my day it's hard to really sit and comprehend what a different world I'm in. Occasionally I'll get these small, fleeting moments when I remember I'm in Africa. That I am over 9,000 miles away from home and it will be 2 years before I can hug my mom again. Moments like when I'm waking up to the sounds of dogs barking and my Mae sweeping the yard. Or when I'm mixing cold water into the hot water heated for my bath. These moments always sneak up on me, but I'm always glad to be reminded of the dramatic change I've made. And to feel like this was the best decision to make.

I'll end with this. Please send me emails! I want to know what's going on with my friends and family. Access to the internet depends on a lot of things. For example, I now have of a modem, but my computer is about to lose it's charge. But there is only one available outlet in the house (and that's a long story). So send emails so I still feel apart of your lives!

Love Love Love

Rayna

Primer Dia

Around 10am on Saturday, September 28, 50 PCTs were stuffed into 3 Chapas and driven to Namaacha (Na-maa-sha). A small town 2 hours west of Maputo, Namaacha will be our home for the next 10 weeks.

On the ride over, we saw what anyone else could see from a movie about Africa. Chaotic drivers on trash ridden streets. Women dressed in a mix of traditional and modern clothing. Men working on houses, at food stands, or begging.

At one point, after at least an hour of road and trees, we found ourselves in a city. Everyone immediately noticed a two story business building that stretched half a block. The architecture seemed old, but it's most stunning feature was that it was completely burnt hollow. As someone who called Detroit home, even I was shocked at the amount of decay of such a large building in the middle of a bustling center.

"That's from the war." Someone called out. So decay isn't the right word, maybe "destruction"?

No, this is definitely not Detroit.

After miles and miles of cinder block homes and burnt buildings, I began to wonder what exactly "safe" and "secure" meant to the Peace Corps. Would I be living in a one room block with 6 other people? Would I be sleeping on a dirt floor? Would I have a lock on my door? Will I have a door?

Thankfully, I was with a great group of people. On the way we practiced Portuguese. Our collective nervousness turned into laughter at our awful accents. Here we are amongst people who we don't have to "explain ourselves" too. We are applied for this crazy job, no need to defend ourselves.

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Unlike everything else in the PC, when we got to Namaacha things moved very quickly. As I fell out of the champa, I could see a line of families all holding up a white slip of paper on it with a name. One of our names. Our fearless PCV Trainer "L" told us to find our names and go home.

After a few moments I found my host Mae. From our morning discussion I was expecting (read: hoping) for the two check kisses and moved my head slightly to the left, however I just received a light hug. There was a young boy with her so I asked "Come se chama?" "L" they responded. That was the best Portuguese I spoke all day.

As we walked the large group of people quickly thinned out. As our group decreased to 5 families, my host mom started pointing to all the PCTs and saying "neighbor" - but I Portuguese, I just can't remember the word. - During the walk we learned that we would walk to school together and who would pick up whom. I am fourth on the list.

As I went through the door I met my oldest host sister, "M", third youngest sister "C". Later I met the youngest brother, "D" and the youngest sister "E". D is five years old and very chatty. I can understand him better than anyone else. I understand about every tenth word. C also speaks very slowly to me, which I appreciate.

I think C is a little sassy. When I asked if I could help clean "Ayudo limpiar?" C said to her sister (not me) "Esperana pouco" which I THINK means "I hope a little" However, by the time I figured out a response (Espero tamem!) she was out of the room.

After helping clean I went to my room and translated some questions to ask my Mae.. Ever so patiently, she explained what time I should wake up (6 or 7- I think 7), where to throw away my trash, where to put my water filter, how to use it, and how to make bath water. It was a long process mostly done through pointing and trail and error, but I got an answer for most questions.

I ended off the evening watching cartoons with the kids and drinking tea (tocar cha). It's only 7:30pm, but I'm am TIRED. Even though I can hear the shrinking laugher of the kids, and chatter of the woman, I think I will fall asleep as soon as I stop typing.

Moral of the story: I feel calm. I feel happy.I feel safe.

Love Love Love

Rayna

The Calm before the Storm

Today we finally meet our host family. All of us PCTs (T for Trainee aka NOT VOLUNTEER YET) are living in two Barrios that are said to be close to each other. I'm staying with a family of 6, one being a 30 year old woman, who's a teacher! I'm very excited/nervous/anxious/all those types of feelings.

Mostly, though, I feel calm. I haven't felt this calm in at least a month. I'm here. I've made it. This sense of peace started when we landed in South Africa. Even after Skype calls with the family, and Security training with the Embassy, I am still feeling like this was the right choice to make.

Time to get this started.

Saying Goodbye

I've said goodbye a lot this month. I've said goodbye to people I've known for 6 months, and people I've known my whole life. Each time it takes a bit out of me.

My parents were wonderful enough to give me a going away party (which happened to land on my 25th birthday, but one topic per post). There I gave hugs, opened presents, and cried. I was emotionally drained at the end of the night, but I also felt loved. Which is all anyone really wants. I felt loved and supported and every time I think about the friends I've so luckily made over the years, I know I'll be ok.

Now, a little less than a month after my party, I've had to say goodbye to my family. It's difficult, it literally feels as if someone is taking a wrench to my gut and squeezing.

So, even though every goodbye is growing more difficult, I'm glad that each of my friends and family have a bit of me to keep.

Goodbye. Adeus!

P.S. - On a positive note, no goodbye is every really final. I am really looking forward to keeping in touch with all my friends and family!

Communication is Key

Several people have asked how to keep in touch with me while I'm away and, like many questions, I'm not sure of the best answer. Internet seems to available for many PCVs in Mozambique, but not guaranteed. Even if it is available, there's no telling what programs will end up working best. So, here I will list all of the potential ways that we can keep in contact, but know that these will most likely change.

If you can, download Whatsapp and Viber - these are apps that work with your phone number and allow you to text/call internationally for free. As soon as I get a phone number in Moz, these apps might be helpful.

Facebook (duh)

Email (best for now) - rleeketchum@gmail.com

Skype: rayna.ketchum

Mail (September 27-December ?) -
          Rayna Ketchum, PCV
          Corpo Da Paz/US Peace Corps
          Avenida Zimbabwe 345
          C.P. 4398
          Maputo, Mozambique

Love you all! Please send stories and pictures of life at home!

- Rayna

Why I joined…

I'm not sure my previous post put my journey to Mozambique in the most positive light, so here is a not-so comprehensive list that I threw together - and keep editing every time I look at it so I'm just going to publish it now - about why I joined the Peace Corps.

1. To become fluent in another language.
2. To challenge myself.
3. To learn community development skills.
4. To put on a grad school application (no more student loans for me)
5. To live in another culture.
6. To understand the idea of culture in a new way. (And then understand myself a bit better)
7. To face my fears…and I don't like roller coasters.
8. To feel a sense of accomplishment.
9. To say that I lived without running water or electricity.
10. To be in a situation where I must trust strangers.
11. To learn how to wash clothes by hand.
12. To teach a class of 60 students.
13. To spend 15 hours sitting on my ass doing nothing.
14. To hug my family when I get back.
15. To eat food I never knew existed.
16. To have a going away party with a small but amazing group of friends.
17. To have no regrets.
18. To have an adventure.
19. Because my gut told me to.

My first post related to the Peace Corps

For a second I almost forgot my emotions. It's amazing how Facebook instantly seduced me into the neverending flow of status updates. Before I opened my computer, I was feeling the most intense pain and fear; the worst I've felt since making this decision over a year ago. Am I making the right choice? Will this make me happier? Will my nephew forgive me for leaving him? Does he understand? Am I leaving for the right reasons?

A year ago, when I officially turned in my application, I was unhappy. I had recently quit an awful job and had no future prospects. I was in a relationship that, even though I am thankful for, had long surpassed its expiration date. In simplest terms, without seeking pity, I was unhappy.

So -  I made a different decision. I joined the Peace Corps. Well, really I applied and 5 months later I was officially accepted. But, let's face it, I was gonna get in. The day that I finally turned in a completed application, I felt nothing. No excitement, no fear. Maybe a bit of anticipation, but really I was still exhausted from the previous school year. I was mostly numb.

Preparing for my interview added a bit of excitement, made the situation seem a bit more real. But only a bit. After all, I didn't wear any shoes for my interview and to the right of my computer screen was a pile of dirty laundry. A week after my interview I was officially accepted and my only thought was Ok, they really did receive my application and that interview wasn't a dream. But that feeling of tangibility was fleeting (transient?) because I had to wait another 4 long months for an invitation. Again, doubts about my placement surfaced. Did my file get lost behind a desk, under a rug? What would I do if no placement was found before September? The later was a favorite question of my parents. One of many questions that I had no answer for.

That invitation did come, and after that many emails and deadlines.  My to-do list got longer very quickly. It's still long, but now I have less distractions. And now, 1 month and 15 days before I leave I am having doubts. Like my parents questions these doubts surfaced in a sneak attack. While  driving home after a fun relaxing night with a friend, my stomach churned and I thought, I'm happy now.  I don't have to go if I don't want to.

And there it was. I'm happy now. The thought was thought and there is no way to unthink it.

I'm still not sure what to do about this thought. But I do know that in 1 month and 15 days I'm going to get on a plane and not come back home for two years. I also know that the reason I have this problem is because one year ago I made a decision that made me happy, and I continued to make more decisions that made me happy.  I accepted two amazing jobs: one for an amazing after-school program, and another as an ESL tutor. I moved home with my family and accepted a third job at a yoga studio. I ended my one relationship and invested time in my friendships. I did lots of yoga and color runs.

Earlier today, I practiced Portuguese as my nephew practiced the piano. I took a moment to realize how happy I was to hear him play, and how happy I was to be learning a new language. That was a good moment.

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I can't leave this post alone. I should be done. Doesn't it just sound beautiful to leave it as "That was a good moment"? If I knew how to edit I would just leave it as is. But something is bothering me. I don't feel like I'm telling you everything. Do you see what I'm not saying? If I was unhappy then,  does that mean I applied because I was unhappy? Therefore, if I am happy now, I should not go?

That can't be good. That can't be healthy.

So these two thoughts won't leave me alone. I was unhappy. Now I'm happy. There they are. I was here. Now I'm leaving. There it is.

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After rereading this post I've realized something positive. I'm no longer numb. Yes, I'm sad to leave my family, friends, jobs, and the positive life that I've built over this year. But that's a good thing! I'm extremely lucky to have such an amazing opportunity in Mozambique. And, I am extremely lucky to feel such gut-wrenching sadness when I think of having to say goodbye to my family and friends.

I just have to keep reminding myself of that.